Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Day 1 - losing energy to write

I forgive myself that I've accepted and allowed myself to create the point of procrastination and laziness , frm the perspective that because I'm losing the expectations I have placed within my process to self benifit, that now this must mean that particiular points aren't so important anymore, like, who cares ifi let this point accumulate and continue a reference for myself when it is of value t my environment where I will cause a consequence, because he feeling of expectation, and self fulfillment of gan just simply isn't ere, so that must mean that everything is just fucked because it isn't for 'me'.

I commit myself to write form a redefined point of self, of always bringing it back to self as writing for self, and not because I want to hold n to the old patterns that I tried to convince myself were real, and now because I see they aren't real, merely making e excuse that because that doesn't relate well to writing anymore and is much firer deminished, that I must go back to get the fulfillment of that emotional attachment to writing, and thus I should not write, or I should not breath and discovering the step to stand for a change within the relationship which I've defined as emotion.

Wen I find myself In and as a pattern of protecting an emotional attachment, in this resistance and excuse that I must still endure the emotional pattern to stay stable to continue process, I breath, I so the very compulsion that manifests from this protection, and I directly relate t what to change within that moment, that in fact brings it backs changing directly self, and not holding n to a stability point that I used t manipulate within my process, and t kee benifitng that emotion through manipulating words and statements that would in any way create a euphemism from facing the point.


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